would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
