Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
