there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
