he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
