The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
