you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
