You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
