I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize