Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
