i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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