I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is it because I queefed?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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