Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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