There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
