Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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