Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
