I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
