i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
