All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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