Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
