Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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