So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We just shotgunned beers for America
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
