Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
