my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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