Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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