So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
