Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
