My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
