you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
