im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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