I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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