Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
