How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
