Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
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I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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