I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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