I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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