can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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