So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
