Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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