Who did Billy Mays play for?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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