his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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