and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Are we still banned from the library?
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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