i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
