i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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