i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
