I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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