I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
