I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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