We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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