My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you had me at cake vodka
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
