The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
