i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
