I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
did i just pee glitter
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
