the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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