I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sarcasm needs its own font
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
