1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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