I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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