mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
