I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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