this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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