Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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