something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
