woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
