i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
