i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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