I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
