omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
