Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
