What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize