It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
