just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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