STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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