i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
